Tell Me Why

In the corners of my mind are endless reasons why we shouldn’t. Each one stems from naught reality, and yet,the shivers down my spine say they are so real. The lyrics they sing verify the fear, and I am left wondering why. Why do people do it? Why do I yearn for something I am so cowardly afraid of?

Why  play  a game with no rules?
Why gamble at such terrifyingly high stakes?
Why invest with the possibility of negative returns?
Why.

xSZHx

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Tightrope

They stem from the cobwebs of my imagination, and exist on the basis of invisible evidence. They are my every insecurity, inseparable from my thoughts of you, what you haven’t yet done, and what we will become.

They are senseless and unvalidated, crazy and meaningless. But still, the onslaught of these fears rage, and I am on wire. My heart peers over, centimeters from an unrecoverable drop.

If I asked you to meet me halfway on the tightrope, would you? 

xSZHx

Afraid

There are times when I am rocketed by fear. My heart, my happiness, all that I am and hope to be, stands at the edge of your fingertips.
Once in a while, insecurities manifest, and I am a deer caught in headlights.
I see you letting go,and the fall is so long,so dark.

But you catch me, right before I am consumed by these debilitating thoughts.
I am reminded that you are mine,and we are real.

..right?

xSZHx

So Why

I broke up with you so why, do I swallow back this lump, constricting my throat, threatening to overspill. Every time I think of you, and what we used to be.

I broke up with you so why does my mind numb, my body freeze. When my playlist shuffles to that song, unleashing forbidden memories.

If I broke up with you why then do these pangs of yearning for your voice, your glance, your touch,  tackle me from the blue, leaving my mind foggy, my heart crippled.

I broke up with you. But days like this,when the skies are a never ending blanket of gray drudgery, and the chilling beauty of flurries accompany my walk down this empty road, my mind is on repeat and I read and re-read our conversations. My thoughts, a gallery of us.

I broke up with you so why, does it hurt.

xSZHx

 

Racecars

Pent up words released with swift fury create a one way street. Irrevocable.
In 3 short days, we travel full circle – back now, at the starting line.
No longer do we race towards good times, intimate laughter. Our tracks no longer create flying sparks.

Instead we drive down a barren desert of empty roads. The howling winds create an unfamiliar sound, and they push us into separate tunnels.

But despite our diverged paths, I still have all these expectations that you have no obligation to meet. I seethe in frustration, and try my best to hide my disappointment.

In this darkness, we will reach light.

xSZHx